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Category Archives: Only god is the jurge(((

Break(ing) Point: Reacting to Karorenagate

After being subjected to Henin-esque dishonesty from Martinez Sanchez at the French Open, Serena Williams delivered one of her more memorable quotes:

“I’m like one of those girls on a reality show that has all the drama,” she said “and everyone in the house hates them because no matter what they do, like, drama follows them.”

Right now those comments are ringing true as ever, with professional tennis currently closer resembling a trashy reality show rather than a sport, with a plot-line involving Serena never too far away. Here we are, now knee-deep in the inaccurately named off-season, and yet the drama is raging on like never before. First, Barbora Zahlavova Strycova’s father was sentenced to two and a half years in prison for smuggling cocaine, meth and weed; then former top 50 player Claudine Schaul was sentenced to 20 months in prison for, uh, also trafficking cocaine; Novak Djokovic then decided to dive head-first into the action by allegedly purchasing the planet’s entire supply of donkey cheese; and to top it all off, Karolina Wozniacka is now said to be an undercover member of the Polish branch of the KKK. Or something.

It has now been four whole days since Wozniacki decided to garner a few cheap laughs in an otherwise stale exhibition by impersonating Serena during her Brazil exhibition against Sharapova. As one could have easily anticipated, the joke involved the Dane stuffing her bra and butt with towels before looking mightily pleased with herself. Many laughed while others didn’t, but at the end of the day it was just a harmless joke, right? Apparently not. Instead, the story quietly made the rounds, slowly picking up momentum on social media sites. Three days after the exhibition match, Daily Fail caught wind of it, and the rest is history.

The overall reaction has been quite fascinating to me. Not just the initial reaction, but also the reactions to the reactions. On one side stands us, the tennis community. The view that most in the tennis community appear to take on this is (shockingly) summarized well by none other than Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View. Much of these issues rest on context, which we on the inside are more than aware of. We all know that – as unfunny and tired as they can be – players do always impersonate of each other. This joke has already been attempted plenty of times including by Andy Roddick in a laughing Serena’s presence. We also understand the different relationships between the players involved these impersonations.

Meanwhile, the mainstream media with their sensationalizing and laughable lack of fact-checking skills or basic knowledge of tennis, have essentially created a narrative that paints Wozniacki as an unsuccessful blonde white girl who jealously decided to mock and degrade her more superior counterpart in her absence. From that perspective, outrage is actually probably the logical reaction, but of course this is the result of complete misinformation and lies which have culminated in Wozniacki being ridiculously vilified and abused for essentially an inside joke.

What was most interesting is actually how many tennis fans are just as oblivious to and dismissive of the racial stereotyping, criticism and degradation Serena has faced her entire career for her body type, as the media and non-tennis fans are to the tennis world. Big butts are indisputably a massively-stigmatized stereotype of black women, and one which dates from today in 2012 back to as far as slavery and colonial times. In short, this issue was not created just yesterday out of thin air and copying them in that manner can be problematic. If we hypothetically lived in a world where Serena was not the confident – for lack of a better word – diva we either love or loathe today, and was someone who was considered more sensitive and likelier to be offended by Wozniacki’s caricature of her body, this would likely be a bigger issue for everyone.

Thus, it’s important to understand that though Wozniacki’s intentions were entirely innocent, blown out of proportion and completely undeserving of the vitriol she has received – intention doesn’t negate or absolve blame from the offence that those actions can cause. When the line between impersonating players’ amusing tics and quirks, and actively caricaturing someone’s different and widely-critiqued body type becomes blurred, offence is often only around the corner.

Bernard Tomic proclaims himself the future GOAT

Yesterday, it was announced that Bernard Tomic would be unceremoniously dumped from Australia’s next Davis Cup tie following a year of poor results, widely panned tanking and off-court incidents that will forever live in tennis infamy. Today it was – as per usual – Tomic’s turn to “hit back” at the allegations, this time essentially branding Pat Rafter and Tennis Australia as liars. More interestingly still, he also suggested that he would one day be the greatest player to ever walk the planet, a prediction that will undoubtedly have Roger Federer shaking fearfully in his boots for years to come.

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The Kurious Kase of Karolina’s Koaching Situation…

It’s tough to believe that it has already been a full six months since we all rolled our eyes in unison upon Caroline and Piotr Wozniacki announcement of Piotr’s resignation from his coaching post. The eyes were rolling almost immediately, and every deflected ‘mystery coach’ question from the then-#1 brought more and more skepticism and criticism. But just as we had all but ceased to care about the Wozniackis and their Kardashian-esque PR stunts, they stole back attention by announcing that none other than Mr Ricardo Sanchez, Jelena Jankovic’s long time on-and-off coach. It was all about to change, right?!?1

Well, no. Not really.

I’ve never been a particularly big fan of the popular idea that Wozniacki needs to transform into a sparkling brand new aggressive player. Sure, it would be in her best interests to add slightly more aggression to her game, but so many make it sound like such an easy adjustment that can I almost understand why Wozniacki and co. have felt so pressured into her numerous recent PR fails. Almost.

The reality is that Wozniacki’s game is inherently flawed against her being more successful as a more aggressive player because she is not even close to being as great a mover or athlete as the likes of Clijsters, Jankovic, and the Williamses. Her great defence is almost solely the product of her brilliant anticipation, and it’s those notorious moonballs and her generally slow-but-heavy shots that give her the time needed to make decisions and move to wherever she needs to be on the court. Thus, her being more aggressive automatically has a detrimental effect on her ability to chase those balls down. That coupled with the gaping technical and mental flaws that also stop her from attacking, and Copenhagen, we have a problem.

All that said, the idea of Ricardo Sanchez entering the fore and (almost literally) whipping the Dane into shape was an encouraging sign. Despite forming a polarizing figure on the WTA, the Spaniard has more than proven pedigree on the tour. But evidently, they didn’t even give him a chance. I think it was clear from Wozniacki’s very first match in 2012 where this was headed. While he would scribble at least 4-6 A4 pages of notes down while borderline obnoxiously shouting and cheering Jankovic after every point, with Wozniacki he simply sat far in the background in complete, utter, irrelevant silence. And now? He’s gone for good.

I would use the rest of this post to scold Wozniacki and her team for reverting back to old ways so quickly, but from where I’m standing absolutely nothing has changed in the six months since talk of Wozniacki’s new coach was first muttered. If anything, there is ironically more pressure on the Dane now that she has dropped off the top spot than ever before. If the situation after Kvitova leapfrogged her at Wimbledon was worrying, then the rise of Azarenka – a long-term occupier of Wozniacki’s shadow – to Australian Open Champion and #1 must have put even more doubts and negativity into her head. She has now dropped from #1-#4, certainly one of the biggest falls from the top spot on either tour, and between now and the French Open she has an incredible 4000 points to defend, which could see her drop than anyone on the entire tour.

Wozniacki’s biggest weapon over the last year and a half has been her confidence, and upcoming period will test that steely confidence in every possible way. We’ll soon see how she reacts.

How To Fend Off Anti-Grunters – By Maria Sharapova

After her quarterfinal loss to Victoria Azarenka yesterday, Agnieszka Radwanska took aim at Maria Sharapova, calling her grunt “annoying” and “too loud” despite having no problems with her friend Azarenka’s grunt. Needless to say, the Russian didn’t take too kindly to her comments when informed of them a day later and bit back in true Sharapovian style.


Q. A lot of players this week have made comments talking about how they think the noise that you and Azarenka in particular make is excessive.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: Who?

Q. Radwanska was one player that said she thinks the noise you and Azarenka make is excessive and she’d like to see the WTA change the rules to prohibit that.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: Isn’t she back in Poland already?

Q. Yes.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: When did she get a chance to say that?

Q. After she lost her quarterfinal.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: She lost the match?

Q. Yes.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: You’ve sure obviously asked me this question before. I’ve heard it a few times over my career. You’ve watched me grow up, you’ve watched me play tennis. I’ve been the same over the course of my career. No one important enough has told me to change or do something different.
I’ve answered it many times before. I’m sure I’ll answer it many more times ahead. I’m okay with that.

As always, brilliant stuff from Maria “More Effortless Shade Than A Willow Tree” Sharapova. It’s no secret that she and Radwanska aren’t particularly fond of each other, and that coupled with Radwanska’s comments a couple of days ago having more to do with her liking Azarenka and disliking Sharapova, make it even more comical. A figurative knockout uppercut from the 24 year old.

Speaking more generally, the recent obsession about grunting has been absolutely astounding to watch. Usually, the tabloids at Wimbledon are the ones who make a massive deal over the grunting for two weeks, and aside from that, nobody cares.

But this year, there are suddenly commentators openly broadcasting their disgust during matches, writers are dedicating an obscene amount of space to it, and press conferences are being bombarded and hijacked on that one subject. Meanwhile, Nadal is getting away with receiving some of the most blatant illegal coaching in the history of tennis (even Carlos Rodriguez and Justine Henin would never!), while Nadal and countless other men are bending the rules to the limit in the amount of time they spend between. Double standards and hypocrisy are fun!

Bernard Tomic pays tribute to Justine Henin in Melbourne

Only four days after happily admitting to the press that he had used gamesmanship as a main tactic to come back from two sets to love down against Fernando Verdasco, Tomic decided to take things even further while fighting for his life in a fifth set against Dolgopolov.

This time, he decided to channel Justine Henin by stopping mid-point and putting his hand up to issue out a challenge. When Ramos appeared to have not seen Tomic’s gesture and Dolgopolov hit an error after assuming that the point had been stopped, Tomic made the decision to act like nothing happened, before flat-out lying when asked on-court.

After clinching the fifth set and match, his take on the incident afterwards was very telling;

Q. What happened at the end of the first game in the fifth set.

BERNARD TOMIC: Yeah, it was a long rally, a slice rally. Four, five slices and he hit the ball long. I knew the ball was long called, but I looked to the umpire’s chair because I sort of had my head down. I knew where the shot was. So even though I liked to the ref to see what his reaction was, because I didn’t hear him, I didn’t say a thing.

I knew I got the slice back. It was on my frame. I was looking at him whether he was going to say “out,” but I continued to play. He thought I was going to challenge it. Got lucky I didn’t say anything.

Q. So in your mind you didn’t challenge?

BERNARD TOMIC: No, I didn’t challenge but I looked ‑‑ sometimes before the ref says “out” and overrules, he lifts his arm.

At that time when he didn’t say “out,” I continued to play. So I went like that. Alex thought I was challenging, and I didn’t focus on that shot.

After Henin’s ‘Hand’ incident, Serena Williams later described her actions as “lying and fabricating”. If this isn’t the very Oxford dictionary definition of lying and fabricating, I don’t know what is.

Umpire Sergio Ramos has to shoulder sine of the blame after completely missing Tomic’s gesture, but Tomic’s actions both on and off-court were abhorrent at best. The Australian came into this event as one of the most polarizing players in tennis, but at this point it is fairly clear that he is going to leave it simply as one of the most hated. And for good reason.

Video Vault: No Pressure?

Ahead of the start of the first slam of the year, the Australian Open has been churning out a series of promo adverts. One such promo advert is solely on their young prospect Bernard Tomic, using footage from him as a young child. To say the advert is interesting is quite the understatement:

Incredible. From the echo, to the repetition, the epic melodramatic voiceover and the eerie “All of Australia will be watching” closing sentence.

People constantly talk about the British and the pressure they place on Murray and the rest of the Brits every Wimbledon fortnight, but this arguably goes above and beyond anything that even they have done. Let’s just hope that Tomic is ready for the figurative excrement that will inevitably hit the fan in only two days.

Quotable Quotes: Serena Accidently Lets Slip Her Real Reason For Skipping Asia

After her disappointing and already-infamous loss to Sam Stosur in this year’s US Open final, Serena Williams made the decision to withdraw from Tokyo, Beijing and all other remaining events in 2011 and to instead immediately turn her attention to 2012. The 30 year-old’s official excuse for withdrawing from the premier+ has a well-guarded secret, and even as many began to speculate on the disappearance of her name from all fall events, both the WTA and Serena’s camp refused to give anything away.

However, according to ESPN, during the media rounds ahead of her Milan exhibition alongside Venus Williams, Flavia Pennetta and Francesca Schiavone, the 13-time Grand Slam champion herself was controversially candid when discussing her absence from the fall events of 2011.

“I was tired after the Open and didn’t want to go to Asia,” she said before bursting into laughter and correcting herself. Well no, I was injured.”

Oh, Serena.

Of course, anyone with the tiniest amount of common sense knew this immediately after her shock loss to Stosur and had made peace with the fact that that, with no major title to play for after losing the US Open final (Williams was all but out of the race for Istanbul by virtue of losing that final), Williams would likely close up shop on 2011 and recuperate back home. However, though some can say that she has earnt it, Serena sitting there and chuckling heartily not wanting to play in Asia does make quite a mockery of the WTA; we know she’s bigger than the WTA and its rules, the WTA knows she is, and evidently she does too.

But hey, at least she was honest when asked, rather than lamely attempting to blame her withdrawal on non-existent radiation and a natural disaster that occurred a good six/seven months prior to the Asian swing. Ahem.

Transsexual Player Andrea Paredes Gets First Ranking, Announces herself As The World’s Saviour

Remember Andrea Paredes, the first transsexual to ever compete in a professional event since Renee Richards? This week, she will finally pick up a ranking for the first time after being awarded a wildcard into three tournaments and notching up an impressively atrocious 0-4 record in matches, 0-8 in sets and 1-48 in games in them.

Despite only participating in a handful of events over the last couple of years, interesting stories of the Chilean are slowly making their way to the internet. Most notably, an article dating back to around 2004 was published of the 37 year-old discussing the end of the world and how she has been personally recruited by God to stop it.

The tennis player calls herself to be “one of the leading thinkers of the Chilean economy”, believing herself to be sent from heaven to save the world from a “motorola-type” chip which will eventually be incrusted beneath the skin of every human being, making every human instantly trackable. She says all money will soon be electronic, ruled by a worldwide government led by the Antichrist.

Her best quotes:

“I’m one of the main Chilean thinkers of the new economy. Besides, I’m very mystical and esoteric; I’ve studied about the profecies and the Antichrist”,

“The worst part is that if anyone tries to take (the chip) out he could die, and even if you managed to do it, the police of the world will arrest you. We’ll all be forced to wear the chip”.

“Here in Chile they’re already putting it in animals. With that chip no one will be able to avoid paying taxes, because it’s a GPS system”.

“The Bible says “neither the poor nor the rich, nor slaves nor the free, no master and no serf, no one will be able to shop if they haven’t got the 666, which is the internet protocol and the chip. An evil dictatorship is going to be imposed through it.”

“The Antichrist will become the president of the European Union and will establish a worldwide goverment that would allow him to control everything, not just the economy but our souls too.”

“In 2012 Jesus Christ will come and find a world that allows everything… the world will be a field of black magic, everybody will have sex with everybody. We’ll live in an apparently happy and perfect world and that’s how the devil will get our souls and when God confronts him, the devil will answer that we belong to him because we have his mark, -the chip-.”

Lovely.

I may not be one of the leading thinkers of the UK, but as far as I know, this hasn’t yet happened and won’t ever happen. But then again, moments ago news just broke that Andy Murray has pulled out of the World Tour Finals, meaning that Janko Tipsarevic will take his place and make his debut in the event. Thus, both stranger and more sinister things have already happened.

(translation via TF)

Caroline Wozniacki Does Her ‘Thing’ In Bratislava, Rest Of World Sighs [Photos]

If you thought the off-season would give us a short break from our omnipresent world number one, you were sadly mistaken. During her exhibiton match today in Bratislava against Dominika Cibukova, the Dane had a few more stunts up her Stella McCartney-designed sleeves.

Check out darling Caroline doing what she does best at the jump.

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Spanish Sportspeople React To Yannick Noah’s Doping Accusations

Yesterday saw former French Open Champion Yannick Noah launch a shocking attack on Spanish sport as he accused all of its leading ambassadors of doping, as well as suggesting that the various prominent Spanish doctors and officials have worked together to keep this doping conspiracy a secret.

Today was the turn of the accused to reply to Noah’s statements, and needless to say, they were not impressed.

David Ferrer:
“(When) your son plays in the NBA, where there is no doping controls. You are not the best person to talk,” said the tennis world number five, which will debut on Monday at the Masters in London, referring to Joakim Noah, who plays the Chicago Bulls.

“I think it’s total ignorance. That a person who has played tennis and knows the sport says that (with) genuine outrage… Like I said without reason or thought,”

Four-time Grand Slam Champion Manolo Santana:
“I find it incredible that an athlete like Noah, who won Roland Garros almost thirty years ago, playing good tennis players but not our current goal is not only tennis but all sports. It seems out of place. Spain is now the leading power of sport and statements (like that) are not good for him and not for sport in general.

“The Sports Council has done significant work towards the subject of doping and, personally, I have a certain respect and admiration for Contador. It has been shown that there is nothing. I find it outrageous, but when people want fame, the only way to have is by messing with a person or an entity as large as Spain in the sport. In basketball, soccer, tennis, Formula One, athletics … In all sports Spain is at the forefront and these haphazard statements. makes a dent in some athletes do.

Spanish Olympic Committee president Alejandro Blanco:
“It’s very difficult for the ignorant to understand the explosion of Spanish sport. The work has been the key to success,”

“Spain makes 11,200 doping tests per year. That’s the best answer we can give,” he added.

President of Spanish Basketball Federation, José Luis Sáez:
“In matters as sensitive as the doping is, it’s not about accusations without proof, but to expose without casting unnecessary doubt.”

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